No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
