why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
