Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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