That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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