Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize