Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am one with the molecules
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
