I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
