I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
