Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
