Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize