my phone needs a breathalizer
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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