I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize