Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
