goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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