News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
