I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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