do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
