I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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