Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize