So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so let's talk penis.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
