last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize