Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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