Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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