This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
