I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
