My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
