3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
