I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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