just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
