i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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