She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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