It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
