There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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