I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
