My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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