What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
