this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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