Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
