I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
