ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
