I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
