she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
