i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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