Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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