i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
