Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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