i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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