how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
