I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
