i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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