There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
