If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
