Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
