i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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