I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
