i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
