I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
