Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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