Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
