whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
