you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize