I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
