3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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