if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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