Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
