I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
as a side note pls kill me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
