She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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