I cockslap morals
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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