11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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