I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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